Archive for November 2016

Hello friends.
I am sure that you are loving the Rules of Love section where we read excerpts from Richard Templars bestsellig book.

Here is Rule 3 for you.
Enjoy and let us hear your comments below.

RULE 3: You Won’t Be Happy with a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own

I knew a woman who was always in a relationship. You know the kind—maybe you’re the same—the moment one relation- ship ended, another started. I asked her once why this was, and she told me that she didn’t like being on her own so she made sure it never happened.

When I got to know her well, she was with a man who was perfectly decent but who just didn’t give her the love she deserved. Why did she put up with it, I asked her. She patiently explained that she had no choice, because the alternative was being on her own, and she couldn’t cope with that option

.
In the end, things got really bad and he left. She braced herself for the breakdown she knew would follow.

I saw her a month or so later and asked how she was coping. She told me, “Fine, at the moment. I thought I would have fallen to pieces by now, but it’s obviously taking longer to happen than I expected.”
I think it was six months before it finally dawned on her that she wasn’t actually going to break down at all.
Three months later, she met a lovely guy who wanted to get serious and move in together, but she resisted. She was having too much fun being on her own.

The point of this story is that she stayed in relationships that weren’t good and put up with flak she didn’t deserve, out of fear of being on her own. After she knew that she was happy on her own, she set her standards much higher and wouldn’t put up with second best. She didn’t have to. After all, what was the worst that could happen? Well, she could end up back on her own again—but that wasn’t a problem any more.

So the moral of this story is that you need to learn to be happy and secure on your own. That way, you’ll never stay in a bad sit- uation for fear of being left alone. If it’s not working out, you can simply leave. Far too many people stay in unhappy relationships because they’re scared to be alone.

Rules players learn to enjoy living alone so that when they do choose to throw in their lot with a new partner, it’s for the right reasons.

After you’ve mastered this, you’ll only ever live with anyone else because you love them and they make you happy. Being alone is great, but being with them is even better. If that stops being the case, you’re free to leave.

FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE STAY IN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THEY’RE SCARED TO BE ALONE.

Ever gone on shopping with a lady?

Well,
Here is my experience.

It was on a Tuesday.
A day of the week I would never forget.

Her name was Deena,
And she was dear to my heart like a sister I never had.

University students, we were.
In total emptiness, my kitchen was.

For that period was the ending of the month when God had not yet picked my call.

Deena became my angel then.

Cooking sumptuous meals that could turn the devil's heart back towards God.
Sumptuous meals that made me say "YES" to her question, that day, without actually hearing the question.

"Okay. Let me get prepared"

These words, she said with a gleeful smile registered on her face.

"Get prepared for what nne?"
This question I asked in surprise.
For I had finished eating and was clear headed at the moment.

"The market na. The one you just accepted to go with me"
Deena replied.

Kaii!!

The term 'shocked' could only encapsulate my state of mind at that moment.

For I had heard tales of such 'shopping experiences'.
Tales, i most definitely did not want to experience.

Nevertheless,
I had to go.

For he who pays the piper dictates the tune.
And he who bites the hand he just ate from is not worthy to be called a human being.

Nay.
Such a person is a nasty, rabid dog donning a human skin.

"Okay. But you will be fast in preparation o"
I told her

Words which, I later realized, were empty sounds to a woman's ear.

"Give me five minutes"

She said as she went out of the room to start preparations.

One hour ten minutes later,

She was done.

A time period, within which she changed her shoes ten times.
Citing the most baffling excuses for changing them.

Within ten minutes, we were off to the market.

"I just want to get about five things and we will be back"
She said

.
Sounds that ushered joy to my heart.

For I needed to come back early.

A need that stemmed from my constant reading habits.
For I had the keys to the faculty like Baba Hilary said.

We reached the market within thirty minutes.

First stop being the store of the fish seller.

"Mama, how much for this fish"

Deena asked while sampling its texture.

"Na One thousand five hundred naira (#1,500), my pikin"

The woman replied,
All the while flashing a smile with her teeth set that had three occupants missing.

"Aah haaa. For wetin. Abeg na two hundred and fifty naira (#250) I go pay"

Words Deena said that shocked even me.

They kept on haggling.
Bartering the price back and forth for ten minutes.

"Na four hundred naira (#400) I go pay last"
Deena said with an air of finality.

"Oya bring am come. Na just sell I sell am for you o"
The fish seller uttered.

Her flashing smile gone.
Replaced by a savage look of someone ready to commit murder.

With increased steps,
I tried to nudge Deena away from the woman.

An action that got no reaction.

In slow graceful steps she kept moving.
Not a bit fazed with my increased steps.

All the while turning left and right,
Sampling everything that her eye could see.

Apparently this was normal to all women.
Having minds that can perform a million tasks at the same time.

Apparently, this is foreign to me.
Having a mind that is fully fixated on a thing at every time.

To the shoe store, we went.
A visit that lasted approximately two hours.

"Bring that one make I see am"
Words Deena kept repeating.

Constantly rejecting every one for the silliest reasons.

"The hook nor fine"
Deena said.

(As if anyone will stop and notice the hook)
My mind uttered back.

"The colour nor gold reach"
Words she used, in reference to a gold coloured high heel.

"But, Deena, it is golden color na"
An observation, i uttered in growing frustration.

"No oo. Look at this left side eh, You will see it is beginning to turn silver"
She uttered back while she turned her attention to another shoe.

"Bring that one"
Her hands pointing to a deep blue color high heel.

"Kosi, how do you see it? Is it fine?"
A question she asked with a hopeful look on her face.

"It is fine"
I replied.
Praying my demunor of desperation did not make my assessment sound desperate.

"Look at the side latch, is it silver enough?"
She asked.
All the while tilting her head right wards and looking down at the shoes.

"Yes. It is fine"
I replied.

"Hmmmm. I do not like it. It is too Blue"
Words she said while pointing at another shoe and indicating it to be brought.

Haaa!!

I had carried my sacrifice beyond the crossroads.
I had tried to eat rice with beans cake.
I had offered a white man eba to eat.

Hunger did this to me.

That same feeling that left Esau senseless and took away his birthright.

That same hunger (for drink) that left Orunmila senseless in the palm wine store of heaven and derailed him from completing the creation process Olorun sent him (Yoruba Mythology Creation story).

On and on, Deena continued.
Rejecting 'this' and 'that' until she finally chose two.

Now was the time for pricing.

"Auntie. This silver one na three thousand five hundred naira (#3,500) and the second one na two thousand five hundred naira (#2,500). All together na six thousand naira (#6,000)"

These words the seller uttered while she prepared to package the shoes.

"Hehehehehe. That one na story oo. Six thousand ke!!. Abeg talk better jare"
Deena offered in return

"Oya Auntie. Take am for Five thousand seven hundred naira (#5,700). Make I use am take make you customer"

The sales lady replied.

"Bia. Na three thousand naira (#3,000) I get o. I go take the silver for two thousand (#2,000) (pronouncing it taaazinn). And the second one one thousand naira (#1,000):

Deena said in pinpoint precision voice that showed no hints of nervousness.

On and on, they haggled.
A continuous process that fanned the embers of my anger.

Who could blame me?

Apparently I had been standing closely to three hours and my feet was already getting sore.

Apparently I was not an usher in church nor had aspirations to become one in the near future.

Apparently the food I had eaten at her place had dissipated and I was now very hungry.

The above fact giving credence to the popular saying, 'A hungry man is and angry man'

"Aunty take am for three thousand eight hundred naira (#3,800) last"

Words, the sales lady spoke.

Obviously seething with anger.
As the tenor of her voice had increased by a treble boost.

"Three thousand five hundred (#3,500)*

Deena said.
All the while squinting her eyes at a black shoe located at the topmost corner.

"How much for that one?"
She asked.

Auntie that one na correct Prada o. Direct from China. Na five thousand five hundred naira(#5,500)."

The sales lady replied.
Handing the shoes over to Deena.

"Prada from China kwa. Na Italy Prada dey come from nah. Abi na the China Aba wey dey Abia state you dey talk about?"
Deena said.
All the time feeling the texture of the shoe.

"No oo Auntie. Na Real China. Oya bring the three thousand five hundred naira and four thousand five hundred naira last for the China own"
The store lady said.

Deena paid for the two shoes.

Leaving the store,
She led me directly into the clothing store nearby.

A tale, I would most definitely relate in further articles.
#BASHORUN

Good morning friends.
How are you doing this wonderful Monday morning.

Here is Rule 3 from the best-selling book "Rules of Work" by Richard Templar.

I wish you a great week ahead.

Enjoy and have your say in the comments.

RULE 3: VOLUNTEER CAREFULLY

A lot of people think that if they say “yes” to everything they will get noticed, get praised and get promoted. Not true.

The clever manager above them will use this “I’ll do it” mentality and you will end up overworked, undervalued and abused.

Before you put your hand up to volunteer for anything, think very carefully. You have to ask yourself various questions:

Why is this person asking for volunteers? How will this further my plan?
How will I look to senior management if I volunteer?
How will I look if I don’t volunteer?
Is this a dirty job that no one else wants?
Or is this person genuinely, desperately overburdened and really in need of my help?

It might well be a dirty job that no one else wants and by volunteering you might look very good in the eyes of senior management they think you capable of rising to a challenge, being useful and being prepared to get your sleeves rolled up and stuck in.

On the other hand they might think you’re a sucker.
Or if you volunteer to do the ﬁling they’ll see you as a mere ﬁling clerk.
Or you might generate a load of goodwill for helping out someone in real need of support.

Be careful and choose your moments. There’s no point sticking your hand up if it means you’re going to be seen as a monkey.
Only step that one step forward when you are conﬁdent you will look good, gain beneﬁt, or make a difference to someone who needs help.

Also be aware that sometimes you seem to have volunteered without putting your hand up or stepping forward. It just happens that sometimes all your colleagues take a collective step backward leaving you there out in the open seemingly volunteering when you really had no intention of doing so.
The ﬁrst time this happens you will have to ride with it and do the job—but make sure it doesn’t happen again, not to a Rules Player, not twice.

Keep your ear better attuned next time and feel out the collective approach and make sure you’re stepping backward with the rest of them.

“BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR HAND UP TO VOLUNTEER FOR ANYTHING, THINK VERY CAREFULLY.”

He was at the club that day with friends.

A glass-bottomed water pipe placed at their table.

Into his lungs, the strawberry scented smoke went.

From his nostrils the smoke came forth,
Forming beautiful rings and drawing applause from all around.

'Vaping' they called it.

This was the life,
And he was a living witness to its enjoyment.

At least, that was his thinking.
For he never cared to check out its adverse effects.

Never bothered to absolve the fact that it contained carcinogens and nicotine, therefore highly addictive.

Never knew that an hour shisha session is estimated to be the equivalent of smoking between 100 and 200 cigarettes (WHO fact)

Never knew that despite its joys, it caused health problems which cigarettes smokers faced.

All these facts he always ignored.
All these sayings he disdained.

For the proverbial dog which would get lost never listens to the whistle of the hunter.

"All people will die"
This fact his mouth spews anytime confronted with the need to change.

Subtly forgetting that death inevitably ushers in judgement.
For all must give account for the life lived.
And give concrete reasons to the reason why such a life was cut short by his/her destructive habit.

"Break free from its hold"
These words I speak to you.
For your future is too precious to be toyed with.

Follow not the path of Esau,
Who sacrificed his birthright in a bid to satisfy a momentary pleasure.

Follow not the paths of Samson,
Who because of infatuation gave up his secret and led himself to the house of ridicule and slaughter.

Follow not the paths of people who are headstrong against advice.
For an early death would be a just reward for such actions.

Follow not the crazy trends of the world.
For you are a chosen generation set apart for Christ.

Trust in Jesus to grant the power to break free today.

Cut away from the fellowship of evil peers today,
For friends come and go while addiction comes once and stays while leading to destruction.

Beloved, take out time and pray for those teenagers struggling to break out of this addiction.
#BASHORUN

Hello friends. Remember we started viewing excerpts from the book 'RULES OF WORK' written by Richard Templar.

Well, here is Rule 2.
As usual, enjoy and have your say in the comments section

RULE 2: NEVER STAND STILL

Most people go into work each day with only one thought— getting through to going home time. During their day they will do whatever they have to, to arrive at that magic time.

You won’t. You won’t stand still. Having got the job it seems enough for most people that they will just do it and thus remain static.

But doing the job isn’t the end game for you—it is merely a means to the end. And the end for you is promotion, more money, success, moving onward and upward, amassing the contacts and experience to set out on your own, whatever it is that is on your wish list—see Part 3. The job, in a way, is an irrelevance.

Yes, you have to do the work. And yes, you have to do it supremely well. But your eye should already be on the next step and every activity you indulge in at work should be merely a cog in your plan to move up.

While others are thinking of their next coffee break or how to get through the afternoon without actually having to do any work, you will be busy planning and executing your next manuver.

In an ideal world the Rules Player will have got their work done by lunchtime, so that they have the afternoon free; to study for the next promotion, to assess the competition among close colleagues, to write the unsolicited reports to get their work noticed, to research ways to improve the work process for everyone, to further their knowledge of company procedures and history.

If you can’t get your work done by lunchtime then you will have to ﬁt all these things into and around the work. What the competition will be doing is not doing them. But you don’t stand still.

Never accept that doing the job is enough. That’s for the others. You will be moving right along preparing, studying, analyzing, and learning.

We talked earlier about the manager’s walk; well, that’s what you’ll be doing, practicing the manager’s walk—or whoever’s walk it is you need to master. You have to see promotion—or whatever else it is you want—as a movement. You keep moving or you grow moss. You have to have movement or you grow stagnant. You have to like movement or you grow roots.

Movement requires of you that you don’t sit on your backside and do nothing—don’t stand still.

“IN AN IDEAL WORLD THE RULES PLAYER WILL HAVE GOT THEIR WORK DONE BY LUNCHTIME, SO THAT THEY HAVE THE AFTERNOON FREE.”

"Rrring Rrrriinnnng"
The morning tambourine was being rung by Oga Charles.

That zealous organizing secretary who never missed the 5am morning routine.

Who could blame him?

Apparently all corpers would continue to sleep until 10am if given a leeway.

Apparently, this was one of the ways through which he could impress his muse who was our sisters coordinator.

For it reflected that he was a serious and disciplined man.
One ready to take on the real world with all seriousness.

Apparently this was the best way to always get back at Dr V, the papa (president).

Lord knows that man slept like a log of wood at all seasons.

Like Hypnos, he was king among sleepers,

Mmba!!

He slept like one already stung by a thousand Tse Tse flies.

Ten minutes went by without any response.
And he came back.

Shaking the tambourine this time with a violent vigor.
For the corpers were still in a semi sleepy state.

Good old Kosi was still seething with anger at being rudely awoken from sleep
For he was stopped in the 'You may kiss your bride' moment while getting wedded to madame dearest.

A muse, a crush.
Who words fail in description of her beauty, brilliance, radiance.

A mathematical genius whose beauty led me to start taking further maths lessons.
An unfortunate exercise that left my head with severe migraines.

Teflon Don Mc Ryhmes was angry at being interrupted from sleep.

For his beloved Arsenal football club were walloping FC Barcelona in the Champions League final.
A scoreline of 6:0 which was greatly delighting him and arabirin until he was rudely woken.

Oga Toluwalase Greyworth was seriously angry at that moment.

For he was chilling out with J Cole, his favorite rapper, and watching Man Utd wallop Manchester City in the Derby to decide the premier League winner.

With groggy eyes,
We all trudged to the living room for devotion.

Vickie led the devotion that morning.
Weaving through her cataloge of Igbo songs that elicited energetic clapping response from every one of us.

Within twenty minutes, the praise session ended.

The preacher came on board for morning devotion.

"Praise da Lord
Do not park in the same place your father's parked you"

These words our beloved Uncle started to preach.

Emphasizing on the need to love one another.

Apparently two corpers almost fought the previous day because of food.
For mama's food was priceless, finger and plate licking good.

Haaa my people!!
Mama's food was priceless biko.

The preacher emphasized on the need to be disciplined.

Apparently, news had reached his ears that some corpers always slept with their female students.

Also, he was having major issues with some corp members who never understood the need to flush the toilets after use.

Poor 'Aje butters' who were finding it hard to adjust to the reality of doing things themselves.

He emphasized on the need for greater discipline too.

Apparently, he had seen a brother come out to the living room wearing singlets only.

Being the culprit of that account,
I transfixed my eyes to the side walls next to him.
Staring at the devotion roaster for the next day.

A gaze which brought joy to my reading.

For Adetutu was going to lead the praise.
And Oga Wumi, the allocated preacher.

Within thirty minutes,
The devotion ended.and the corpers dispersed to their various rooms.

Mama and sister Maureen went into the kitchen.

Papa Dr. Vin and oga Tolu to their favorite beds.
Two 'executive' corpers who always reached their PPA's (Place of primary assignment) by 9pm.

Who could blame them?

Apparently the corper population in the school made their absence unnoticeable by the principal.
For they numbered about one hundred on ground and thirty in 'ghostmode'.

Those 'ghostmode' corpers who made the Area Inspector always happy with constant alerts at the end of the month.

Apparently, their head corper Femi, was falling head over heels, for a female friend of oga Tolu.

A female friend, who Bashorun kept on wracking his head on how to approach and win her heart amongst a plethora of other male suitors.

Rrrriinnnng Rrring (Beyonce's Halo being my ringtone)

My phone interrupted my flow of observations.

"Hello Kosi
Start coming to school oo. The principal say she no like wetin corpers dey do. And Patorakin (corper head) no dey around"

Corper Emmanuel said.

Our amiable NCCF zonal coordinator who always amused me.

For he was a literal firebrand.
One who kept up a stream of tongues speaking in the first day of entering Ikot Essien Grammar School.

Back to reality.

The principal was unhappy that day.
As the corpers of that school were of a most wonderful sort.
For we went to school whenever we pleased.

Evidently it was not easy going every day.
As most of us stayed in Nung Udoe (main town) and Uyo the state capital.

"Tell am say make she we dey come to teach."
Words I replied Emmanuel with.

"Abeg write my name down for attendance. Also write Tolu and Jennifer own"
I added.

The same words being a national anthem among all corpers.

A sort of 'Youths obey the clarion call...' for all Corp members.

For the Nigeria factor was embedded in our veins.
A factor that entailed a penchant for lateness and consequent search for a cover up.

Evidently i was just playing a more advanced role.

A role that entails a cover up for your 'goons' at all times.
For Lady J and oga Tolu were more than just friends.

Nay.
They were a brother and sister to good old Bashorun.

Within thirty minutes,
I had overcome in the 'War of the Baths'.

For bathing in the family house was an activity that could equated to fighting a war.
As thirty people struggled to use the bathroom and toilets before the school assemblies started at 7:45am.

To the kitchen I went.
Stumbling upon a sight that sent warm glows to my heart.

Bread, Egg and Tea was the food served that morning.
Little plates spread and arranged horizontal pattern.

In careful tiptoed steps,
I sidestepped other plates and took the plate located at the third row.

A half splintered ceramic plate, whose food occupant looked bigger to the eyes than the others.

All the while thanking God as I raced towards the room.
For I knew that oga Tolu would not eat.

"Oga Tolu o. Oga mi sir. Mo ki yin jujuju. Buugan ni won serve loni oo"
"(Boss Tolu o. My boss sir. I greet you very well. They served bread today)"

Words I said to him upon my entrance into the room.

Sitting down on one of the lean mattresses around,
I proceeded to enjoy my meal.

In measured motions,
I transfered a piece of bread into the tea cup.
For bread, taken that way transforms into something special
Something stupendously relishing in taste.

Today's fried egg tasted great.

A dividend of Five thousand naira (#5,000) well spent.
As this was the stipulated amount tasked upon us for the monthly feeding.

An amount which Uncle hated paying.
Strong 'Onye-igbo' that preferred giving mama one hundred naira(#100) for each meal.

A practice that always infuriated her and her 'Nwoke oma' by extension.

To be continued in later posts.
#BASHORUN

Hey friends.
Here is the second rule in Richard Templar's bestselling book "Rules of Love".
Enjoy and let's hear your comments.

RULE 2: Get Over It Before You Get on with It

We all get battered and bruised by life, that’s inevitable. Some of us come off worse than others. Of course, it’s the scars that give us character, so they’re not all bad in the long run. In the short term, we may need to recover before we re-enter the fray.

If your last relationship or two has left you a bit of an emotional wreck, it’s better to repair the damage before you start looking for a new lover and partner. Otherwise you won’t be able to show them the real you, and you won’t be able to focus on them if you’re still preoccupied with yourself.

If you make a mistake with your new relationship (and it hap- pens to us all), you could end up more bruised than when you started. Even if you did manage to find someone truly caring and loving, both of you could suffer because one of you wasn’t ready yet to launch into a relationship.

I have a friend who came out of one relationship an emotional wreck. Then she met a man who was lovely—kind, nurturing, and protective. Just what she thought she needed.

Over the next couple of years he looked after her until she was a strong, inde- pendent woman again. And what happened? It completely killed their relationship. She wasn’t the woman he’d fallen in love with any more. Lots of men go for strong, independent women, but he wasn’t one of them. He liked women who were fragile and needed looking after.

And that’s the danger. Even if you find the perfect partner, they’re only ideal for who you are right now, and that’s not who you‘ll be after you recover—the person you really are under- neath. I’m not saying these relationships can never work, but it’s very, very rare.

So do yourself a favor. Go away and hide somewhere while you lick your wounds. Enjoy your friends and your family, and wait until you’ve recovered before you start looking for a new part- ner. And when you do, try to pick someone whose scars are relatively well-healed, too—because this works the other way as well. In this way you both see each other as you trully are, and start your relationship the way you want to continue it.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR.
GO AWAY AND HIDE SOMEWHERE WHILE YOU LICK YOUR WOUNDS.

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